I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
By Earl Boretz
It was completely unexpected. I was just sitting there at the
party, totally involved with my own thoughts. All heads turned
simultaneously, as if choreographed. There in the doorway stood the
most stunning woman I've ever seen. Not only was she perfect, but
her clothes and accessories demonstrated impeccable taste. Her
jacket had a deep v-neck and was cut in a circular fashion with two
large white buttons holding it closed. The jacket was a dark blue,
almost navy in color. Under it was a white blouse. It was so white
you could almost see a glare. Under the collar was a bright red
ribbon about an inch wide. The contrast of color was magnificent.
Her skirt matched the jacket and her shoes were the color of the
ribbon. She was blond, with deep blue eyes, and lips that matched
the ensemble. Her nail polish was also a perfect match. She reeked
I don't know about anyone else, but my eyes began at the floor and
slowly meandered over every shape and curve until I reached the
end. Having recovered from the captivating experience, my mind
began to explore avenues of introduction. My first thought was,
"Are you kidding? You can't really be serious!" My second thought,
"Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained." Well, here goes nothing.
I cleared my throat, and did all I could to make myself look good.
I walked over and said, "Hi! My name is Don Juan," trying to break
the ice with a little humor. She cracked a smile, and said, "Hi to
you! My name is Queen Isabella." We shook hands. She was as
pleasant and nice as she was beautiful. An unexpected combination.
I asked if I could buy her a drink and she said, "Sure! I don't
want to pass up a drink with Don Juan." I complimented her attire.
I asked what she did for a living. Well, everyone can't be
perfect. She said she was an attorney in private practice.
Thoughts began going through my mind, what if she asks what I do for
a living? I thought neurosurgeon, rocket scientist, research
physicist, chemist. Eh, what the heck? I'll tell her the truth.
I'm a sanitation engineer. It didn't phase her. I couldn't believe
it. She smelled as good as she looked. She used just the right
amount of perfume, with a subtle aroma. Her makeup, if she used
any, and she was a woman, was also perfect. I was really feeling
great; every male in the room was eyeing me. I really wanted to
yell at them, "Eat your hearts out!" But this was a class act, and
no way was I going to jeopardize it.
It was time to unmask. I'm pretty sure she didn't think I was Don
Juan. I told her my real name and she told me hers. I nearly fell
off my barstool. You can't be serious! Honestly, you're really
Little Goldilocks. She said, "The one and only."
Then it dawned on me, I never knew what happened to her when she ran
out of the house of the Three Bears. I said, "But that's a fairy
She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "If you think an attorney
would date a sanitation engineer, you, too, are living in a fairy